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One of the most culturally recognizable non-romantic primary relationships is a single parent who prioritizes the children over their sexual relationships.
These parents organize their work, social, and romantic lives around what is best for their children, and the kids are the primary consideration when it comes to making big decisions.
At the same time, society makes us feel ashamed if we feel insecure or envious in a relationship, because it’s often seen as a sign of neediness, a lack of confidence, and unrequited love. The truth is, experiencing jealousy does not negate the fact that you’re polyamorous.
Jealousy is a feeling that naturally occurs to many people, especially when we grow up in a society that tells us that monogamy is the only option.
Solo polyamory is a fluid category that covers a range of relationships, from the youthful “free agent” or recent divorcee who might want to “settle down” some day but for now wants to play the field with casual, brief, no-strings-attached connections, to the seasoned “solo poly” who has deeply committed, intimate, and lasting relationships with one or more people.
Some solo polys have relationships that they consider emotionally primary, but not primary in a logistical, rank, or rules-based sense, and others don’t want the kinds of expectations and limitations that come with a primary romantic/sexual relationship.
Wanting to be single is not evidence of malfunction, but rather interest in other things and comfort with being alone or interacting with others.
Whether they are deeply involved in an activity or hobby, work very long hours, find their own internal experience to be particularly gripping, or that they are simply not “wired” for primary partnership, the allure of autonomy draws some solo polys to become their own primaries rather than establishing a primary partnership with someone else.
For other solo polys, the expectations associated with primary partnership can feel suffocating or leaden.
If you’re struggling with this, you might consider offering yourself the following reminder: “This is one of many normal, natural reactions.
It’s okay that I’m feeling it, but it could be the symptom of another problem – and it’s important that I deal with it.”When you feel jealous, think deeply about the feelings and actions you associate with it.